lotrspnfangirl | Underneath the Oak Tree -- Chapter Seven (Reply)

May 22nd, 1961
Somerset, Vermont

“Jared,” Jensen groaned against Jared’s lips, hands knotted in Jared’s coat as he tried to push him back. “Jared, stop… I think someone’s coming...” Jared kissed him softly in response, pushing Jensen further back into the corner of the barn.

“Then be quiet,” Jared smirked and Jensen felt his heartbeat racing even faster. It must have shown on his face that panic was starting to set in because Jared chuckled and kissed his cheek before stepping away and straightening up his clothes. He left Jensen pressed up against the barn wall, breathing hard and heart racing while he went out to investigate the source of the sound.

“Ah! There you are!” Gerry’s voice rang out and Jensen sighed softly, almost glad that they had been interrupted. “Have you seen Jensen? Martha is looking for him…”

“Oh, yeah, I think he was finishing getting the hay for the stalls. I’ll go fetch him.”

Jensen heard Gerry thanking Jared and Jensen could almost picture the older man fondly clapping his son on the shoulder or slapping him on the back before he exited the barn.

“What do you think she wants?” Jensen mused when Jared returned, instantly opening his arms for Jared to step back into them.

Their relationship was… different, unlike the other one Jensen had been in or even had ever thought of being in. Even though they slept in different houses, they were always together. Day in and day out they spent as much time as they wanted together, working or not. If their families saw them together, no one asked questions – it was accepted. They were close friends after all, practically family anyways.

Jensen found himself splitting his time between Jared and Jenna, and even when they shared his time, both his eighteen-month-old and—his… boyfriend? Lover? Jensen wasn’t sure on the title, exactly—both enjoyed it.

Jenna adored Jared, more than anyone else on the farm. Sometimes, Jensen wondered if the child would rather be rocked or held by Jared then her own father. It warmed something deep inside of him though, he couldn’t argue that fact. Sometimes he almost let himself get lost while watching Jared singing softly to Jenna, or telling her a story while he fed her, believing that this love they shared could really, truly be something.

Jensen felt his stomach twist at the thought, and the realization, that it really didn’t matter what either one of them wanted. Reality was cruel and was never far away with its reminders. Although the subject of their close relationship was never brought up between their families, customers to the farm stand or in the town were not shy about expressing their opinions.

Jared brushed him off every time he repeated a comment made or an incident that happened. “You only see the negative things, Jensen. Seriously, don’t listen to everything.” And perhaps Jared was right, but the negative, snide remarks that were thrown at him when he carried Jenna through town or to the market without Sherri or his grandmother there, still sent him reeling. He could only imagine what they would say if they saw him pressed up against Jared in the shadowed, safety of the barn…

The feeling of safety even on the farm was one that Jensen wasn’t all that sure of either. Although no one talked about the situation, Jared was getting more comfortable with the idea of the two of them together. He would steal kisses in the middle of the field, during milking, before or after suppertime and each and every time, Jensen’s heart caught in his throat. What if they were caught? What would Gerry say? Or his grandparents? He couldn’t bear the thought of being made to leave… Jenna needed this farm, needed this family, and so did Jensen.

When he tried to tell Jared to tone things down, Jared would act hurt, and Jensen would quickly try to retract his concerns and kiss Jared’s bad mood away – of course that was after he had pulled him aside, out of the sight of anyone who might stumble across them.

It was dangerous what they were doing, and Jensen knew that deep down Jared understood that as well. Part of that, however, made it more exciting. Jensen felt his spirit come alive at the mere thought of seeing Jared in the mornings. The warmth that flooded his body with every thought that trailed over Jared—his body, his mind, his voice, his eyes—was something Jensen never, ever wanted to be rid of. It was similar and yet, so very different, than the warmth he felt when he thought of Jenna.

And that terrified him.

Jared suddenly wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him closer got Jensen’s attention back to the present and he looked up to see Jared smiling fondly at him. “Did you hear me?” he asked, and Jensen shook his head, embarrassed.

“No, I was—”

“Probably over-thinking things…as usual,” Jared laughed and leaned down to kiss Jensen lightly. “I said, I’m sure she just wants to talk to you about farm things, nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jensen agreed and squeezed Jared quickly before slipping away from him. “What are you doing now?”

“Dad and Albert finished tilling the fields today so we’re free until the cows need milking again.”

“And are you going to help me with the cows, Mr. Padalecki?” Jensen teased, looking over his shoulder to see the look Jared threw him.

“Oh, most definitely... I’ll be holding Jenna and keeping her happy at a distance while you milk the cows,” Jared grinned playfully.

Jensen laughed and rolled his eyes. “One day I am going to get you to milk a cow and you’ll realize they’re not even half as scary as you’re making them out to be.”

“I’m sure,” Jared nodded, giving a small laugh. “Go… don’t make your grandmother wait.”

Jensen nodded and glanced at his watch. “Lunch later?” he asked and when Jared nodded, he smiled back.

The moment Jensen walked into the house, he knew that something was wrong. Sherri was standing in the doorway of the kitchen and offered him a gentle smile, but nothing more. Jensen swallowed hard, suddenly nervous as he made his way through the dining room and into the living room where his grandmother was waiting, sitting silent and staring out the big bank of windows at the freshly tilled fields.

“Grandma?” he asked as he came up behind her. He had to shove his hands deep into his pockets to keep them from shaking as he moved around to the front of the chair. “You… wanted to see me?”

Martha nodded once and when she lifted her deep, green eyes to meet Jensen’s he saw that she’d been crying. He dropped down to his knees and reached for her thin, cool hands to hold in his own.

“It’s your grandfather,” she started, giving him a watery smile. She took one of her hands back and patted Jensen’s cheek gently. “When he was out in the fields today with Gerry, something went wrong.”

“What do you mean something went wrong?” Jensen asked, confused and a bit afraid at the same time. “Did something happen to the tractor? Does he need my help with it or…” he trailed off and met his Grandmother’s eyes with a sad sigh. He knew that wasn’t what she meant, but he couldn’t help but hope.

“I came to pick you up, honey, along with some paperwork he wanted.” She patted Jensen’s arm and he nodded numbly. “Sherri said she didn’t mind looking after Jenna, the hospital isn’t a good place to bring that little girl.”

“Yeah… okay,” Jensen nodded slowly. “Is… I mean, is he...”

“He’s going to be just fine, sweetheart,” Martha reassured him quickly. “But he’s probably going to have to stay there for a few days before he’s back up and running—”

“Don’t worry, Gram, I’ll take care of everything. I know what needs to be done.”

“I never doubted that for a second, Jensen,” Martha replied and with a wave of her hand shooed him off toward the kitchen. “I’ll meet you by the truck, okay?” Jensen nodded his agreement. He thanked Sherri with a fond hug before slipping out of the house. When he reached the old truck he slid into the driver’s seat to wait for Martha to come back out.

“Everything okay?” Jared was suddenly at the driver side of the door, watching Jensen carefully. “Where are you guys going?”

“My Grandfather is in the hospital…” Jensen replied softly and Jared reached through the open window to take his hand, to give it a supportive squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Jensen… I’m sure everything is going to be okay though, right?”

Jensen nodded once and looked around the yard quickly—Gerry had gone off, probably to finish in the fields, and with Martha and Sherri still in the house, they were in the clear. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Jared’s for a moment, smiling when Jared kissed him back just as quickly before pulling away.

“I hope so,” he shrugged and Jared squeezed his hand once more before releasing it at the sound of the screen door opening.

“It will be okay,” Jared confirmed and then tipped his hat towards Martha when she approached the truck.

“Why don’t you go see if your father needs anymore help out in the fields? I’m not sure how far he and Albert got…” she suggested as she slipped into the passenger seat.

“Yes, Ma’am!” Jared replied and gave them both a smile, flashing his dimples at them, before running in the opposite direction towards the back fields. Jensen watched him go and only when he was out of sight did he turn his attention back to starting the truck. Martha cleared her throat once and Jensen gave her a quick look, wondering if she’d noticed his longer than normal stare after Jared.

If she did, she didn’t say anything. And Jensen was more than grateful for that.

Albert looked bad.

Although both the nurse in the room and his Grandmother told him how well his Grandfather was doing Jensen couldn’t stop the tightness in his chest when he looked over his Grandfather lying in the hospital bed.

His usual jeans and flannel shirt had been replaced with a pale, thin hospital gown and his usually sun-kissed skin looked pale and washed out under the bright hospital lights. Even though Albert was well into his sixties, Jensen never thought of him as being that old. His grandfather was strong, always moving and doing no matter where he was on the farm and usually, his body showed that hearty vitality. Now however, he looked small and frail and Jensen couldn’t wrap his head around that.

He swallowed hard and forced himself forward to the side of the bed and reached down to take his Grandfather’s hand in his own. With a sigh of relief, Jensen was glad that his skin felt warm and full of life. He sank down into one of the visitors’ chairs and gave Albert a smile, hoping none of his concerns were showing through on his facial expression.

“Hey, Grandpa,” he nodded once and Albert turned his head to look at Jensen with a smile.

“Ah, you’re here. Good!” Albert squeezed Jensen’s hand and then released it, moving to push himself up higher in the bed. Jensen was immediately at attention, moving to help Albert change position, and he was quickly shooed away. “No, no! No fussing! I’m perfectly… capable!” His grandfather shot his help down quickly, only grunting once as he shifted, and Jensen couldn’t help the smile that broke out across his face.

This was the Grandfather he knew.

“Albert!” Martha was instantly at Jensen’s side and he shrunk back at the tone of his grandmother’s voice. It was rare for her to raise her voice, and even more so for it to be directed at Albert himself. “You know what they said about pushing yourself too far!”

Albert rolled his eyes and winked at Jensen when Martha smacked his leg through the covers.

“What happened?” Jensen asked when his grandmother was finally finished fussing about her husband, straightening out the sheets and moving his pillows around.

“Oh… nothing really…” Albert started only to close his mouth again as he received another sharp glare from his wife.

“Your Grandfather was supposed to watch the things he ate after his stroke but he decided to ignore the advice of anyone that’s smarter than him!” She quickly took over the explanation and then turned her attention from Albert to Jensen. “This morning, your Grandfather and Gerry came back to the house after you boys all set out to work, talking about pain in his chest and feeling light-headed and dizzy. Stubborn man insisted he’d be fine if he could just have some more coffee—thought maybe he just wasn’t awake enough. Gerry brought him to the hospital anyways.”

“Another stroke?” Jensen asked, looking between his grandparents. Albert shook his head once and they both turned to look up at Martha.

“No, he had a mild heart attack….”

Jensen’s eyes widened, “A heart attack?”

“Mild,” Albert enunciated the word, as if that would make Jensen feel any better about it. “They just poked at me a bit, gave me some beta blocker thing to fix my ticker, and it will be good as new. They just want to do a couple more tests over the next few days.”

Jensen’s eyes widened even further. “When? All this happened just today?” He turned to his grandmother in alarm who nodded slowly. When he turned back to his grandfather he couldn’t keep the look of shock off of his face. All things considered… maybe he didn’t look quite as bad as Jensen had originally thought.

“So, the doc recommends 'observation'... I’m going to be out of commission for a few days—”

“Weeks! Months even …if I have any say in it!” Martha cut in and Jensen smiled softly.

“So, that brings me to why I asked for you, my boy,” Albert finished and reached out his hand for the papers Martha had brought from the farm. His arm was trembling as he held it out and Jensen fought the urge to reach for it to steady it. “I had these drawn up a few months ago actually…” Albert scanned over the papers as Martha pushed the wooden, rolling table over closer so that it rested just above Albert’s lap.

Jensen looked on, curiously. Obviously his grandfather hadn’t planned on having a heart attack—the man always said he was ‘healthy as a horse’ so Jensen was at a complete loss as to what he would have, that he actually had planned ahead for. Except for deciding ahead on the crops to be planted and the animals to be bought and sold on the farm, Albert was always one for winging it and seeing how things turned out.

When the papers were pushed in front of Jensen, his eyes quickly scanned the title on the first page and the initial information in the top two paragraphs. As the written words began to make sense Jensen froze, eyes wide as he looked up to meet his grandparents’ hopeful faces.

“You’re joking. Right?” He muttered disbelievingly, looking between the two of them who were staring back at him expectantly. “No, you have got to be joking.”

“Jensen, who the hell else is there?” Albert said as he tossed the pen over to rest on top of the small stack of papers. “Now, there’s not much of a savings account left anymore… your Grandmother and I emptied a lot of it to finish off the mortgage and to buy that last herd and the milking equipment, but there’s enough to get you started.”

“I can’t… I can’t accept this,” Jensen whispered, dropping his shaking hands into his lap. His heart was beating a million miles a minute and he suddenly felt light- headed as he stared at the deed transfer before him. His name was clearly printed, along with his grandparents, and the property value had more zero’s in it then Jensen had ever thought he would see in his entire life.

Part of him wanted to call up Alan and rub that into his face—that no matter what the old man believed or said, his parents had been more than successful as lowly farmers, far more successful than their citified son and the proof was right before him. On the other hand, Jensen just wanted to vomit out of feeling overwhelmed by what his grandparents were offering him.

“Of course you can…” Martha stepped around the bed and put her warm, supportive hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “We’re not going to be around forever, Jensen. And I can’t picture letting that farm out of the family. It’s our life, our home, our sweat and blood and you have been the one to share that with us the most.”

“But… what about Gerry?” Jensen offered, looking between them again. “And… Josh is older than me…”

“Jensen, I already told Gerry what we were planning on doing and he said he’d be more than happy to work under you… if you’ll still have him,” Albert stated and gave Jensen a short nod.

Jensen stared back at him in shock, “Well… of course! I mean… what else would I do? Gerry’s put so much more than I have into the farm… and his family is there, …they’re part of our family.” Jensen stammered, shaking his head at the absurdity of imagining the farm without the Padalecki family there, without Jared…

“And that’s exactly why he has no problem working under you, Jensen.” Martha said with a smile. “Because you understand how important his family is to the farm and to us. Joshua chose a career and his life, and… honestly? We never even considered Josh for getting the farm. Although he enjoyed his summers here, it was different for Josh.”

Jensen nodded slowly, eyes scanning over the papers before him again.

“We just hope you don’t kick me and the old lady out of your farm house,” Albert laughed with a questioning look.

Jensen gasped and shook his head quickly. “No, of course not! That’s your home and it will continue being your home, it’s only mine on this piece of paper.”

Martha leaned forward and kissed the top of Jensen’s head. “We can get a lawyer if you’d like him to explain everything to you,” she offered. But Jensen shook his head. He trusted them, more than anyone else in the world, they were his family. They were more his parents than Donna and Alan had ever been. With a shaking hand, Jensen reached forward for the pen and slowly started flipping through the pages.

He initialed and signed wherever it was indicated and when he was finished, he simply laid the pen down and sat there feeling numb. Albert smiled and nodded to Martha who took up the papers and sealed them into an envelope she’d brought with them. Jensen owned the farm. Jensen owned the farm.

“We are so very proud of you, Jensen,” Albert’s voice was soft and it melted the icy shock that had paralyzed Jensen’s body. He felt his cheeks flame up at the praise. He’d never expected to hear those words at any point in his life… his stomach twisted and he smiled at his grandparents.

“Thank you, really…. I won’t make you sorry. I swear…I won’t let you down,” Jensen promised softly and reached for his Grandfather’s hand. Albert squeezed his hand once and smiled fondly back at him, Martha leaned forward and kissed his forehead, and Jensen had never felt more like he belonged than he did right now.

“Do you really believe he’s ready for all this, Al?” Martha asked, taking the empty seat Jensen had vacated. They’d convinced the younger man to head back to the farm and he did so with a promise to return around suppertime to pick Martha up and take her home for the evening. “Do you think we’re pushing him too fast?”

“He’s ready for this, Martha,” Albert argued, reaching for his wife’s hand. “I know he is.”

“He just came back to us, Albert. He has a little girl that’s he’s just starting to figure out… If we pile too much on him…?” She closed her eyes and with a sigh shook her head. “I don’t want him to turn into Alan.”

“He won’t, Martha,” her husband replied quickly. “Alan was miserable on that farm from the moment he could think for himself. Martha, look at what the past few months have done to boy! He even looks healthier, happier!”

“And you think that’s just because of the farm?” Martha looked up and raised an eyebrow at her husband whose cheeks flushed slightly. He gave her a warning look and she nodded once; it wasn’t something they’d ever discussed, not something that they needed to. But that didn’t mean they didn’t see and know everything that was going on behind even the fence posts on their farm.

“Martha… I’m scared …more than I’ve ever been of anything,” Albert’s voice was soft and a bit unsure for the first time ever and it broke her heart. She squeezed his hand a little tighter, nodding with him. She was too. “We both know this…” he waved his free hand over his body. “This…? Isn’t good like it once was. I’m getting old, Martha. We both are. And Jensen…? Jensen is a good kid who has a good head on his shoulders and a good support system behind him. He still has us, we’re not going anywhere. And he knows that! We’ll be on that farm until the day we die, doing everything in our power to help him.

“He has us, he has Gerry and Sherri. And, well, he has Jared, too. We will help him be successful, we will continue teaching him what he needs to know to thrive, and he’s going to do it. I believe in him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Martha sighed. “But you and I both know this life isn’t always easy. And things are good for us now, but what about if there’s another depression? Another war? What then?”

“We’ll help him, Martha. He’s strong. He’s come out on top in everything life has thrown at him so far, why should the farm be any different?”

“I’m scared for him, honey. The life that he’s choosing…”

“Martha,” once again her husband cut her off with a quick shake of his head. “I trust him and his judgement, whether I understand it or not.” Martha nodded once and they fell into silence, lost in their own thoughts.

When Jensen returned to pick his grandmother up, Albert hugged his grandson a while longer than normal and Martha rode beside him in silence back to the farm. If Jensen noticed her abnormally quiet behavior, he didn’t question it, and when Jared met them at the front gates of the farm, Martha gave him a wide smile and patted his arm before inviting them to follow her inside for dinner.

October 22nd, 1962
Somerset, Vermont

Jared leaned back against Jensen’s chest and Jensen let his arms fall around Jared’s shoulders, holding him there. After Jensen had given Jenna lunch and put her down for a nap, they had snuck away for their own lunch break, and made their way out to the oak tree. Just like when they were kids, no one ever bothered to follow them out and they felt somewhat secure with the promise of a little privacy.

“We’ll be next, you know,” Jared broke the silence and Jensen couldn’t bite back the sigh. It had been nearly a month since James Meredith, the first black man to attend a segregated University in Mississippi, had made headlines and since then, Jared had been incessant about how it was a step forward for not only civil rights between the races, but also for people like them.

Jensen however didn’t necessarily agree. One man being able to go to school and surviving for a month did not give him the same type of excitement and hope that it gave the younger man. They themselves were white, were just like the people that would crucify them for being homosexuals. As far as Jensen was concerned, it was a completely different world for them.

“Jared…”

Jared smirked and turned around, capturing Jensen’s lips with his own.

“I know, I know. You don’t want to hear it.” Jared rolled his eyes and in response, Jensen bit his lower lip, eliciting a gasp.

“Has your dad talked to you any more about school?” Jensen asked, leaning back against the base of the tree again, waiting for Jared to settle against him before finding his hands to hold them against Jared’s stomach.

“A bit…” Jared trailed off and Jensen leaned forward, resting his chin on Jared’s shoulder.

“And? Are you thinking about it?” Jensen asked. Now that Jared was eighteen, Jensen honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he left to get an education, just like Jeff had. Jeff was now living somewhere in New Hampshire, working as a lawyer there, and Sherri and Gerry were not shy about expressing how proud they were of their eldest son.

“No.” Jared shook his head, the decisive tone of his voice saying the conversation was not up for discussion.

Jensen laughed softly and shoved at his back. “No?”

Jared shook his head again in response. Jensen kissed the side of his throat gently, urging Jared silently to continue.

“I… I was thinking I would, you know…” Jared shrugged and Jensen felt the tension in his shoulders.

“Jared?”

“I figured I would stay here, with you.” Jared said finally and Jensen felt his heart stop. He and Jared usually steered clear of the topic of the future of their relationship. It was too painful to remember the reality of the world around them and it didn’t do well to dwell on things that they both knew would never happen. The one time Jared had mentioned it, a future, Jensen had shut him down pretty quickly.

“How long do you think we can go on like this Jared, really?” Jensen sighed, closing his eyes against the pained expression on Jared’s face. Part of him feared that maybe this would be it… this would be the end for them….

“Jensen… I know it seems impossible right now but—"

“No, Jared. It is impossible now and it always will be. What we’re doing now? Yeah, it’s fun, and I’m enjoying spending time with you… but in the end?” Jensen shook his head. “You and I will both end up married to girls and with kids and…”

“I’m in love with you, Jensen.” Jared pulled back, meeting Jensen’s eyes straight on. “I am in love with you. That…? To me…? That means something, and in the end? I think I’ll still be in love with you.” Jensen closed his eyes and after a moment, Jared slipped from his side and left him sitting in the loft alone.

When he heard the barn door slam shut behind Jared, Jensen leaned back against the bales of hay and sighed. “I love you too, Jared.”

“I think we should head back,” Jensen replied instead, releasing his hold on Jared and pushing himself up and away from the tree trunk. Jared looked hurt again, but hid it quickly with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure Jenna’s probably awake now anyways. I made her something the other day…” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden duck he’d carved. Jensen smiled as he fingered the toy, turning it on all sides to look at it.

“You’re getting really good at this,” he offered, and Jared nodded before slipping it back into his pocket. They walked together in silence back to the farm house, Jared’s arm brushing Jensen’s every few feet, but once they cleared the woods he fell back. Jensen sighed to himself and knew how much it was hurting Jared to do so, how much it had hurt him the first time he asked Jared ‘who wanted to go first’.

When they reached the house, they were surprised to see everyone inside. More surprising, everyone was sitting in the living room, crowded around the television.

“What’s going on?” Jared asked, slipping past Jensen and joining his mother on the couch.

“President Kennedy has just confirmed there are Soviet missiles in Cuba,” Gerry responded, and Jensen’s eyes flew to the TV where the President was still speaking. He sank to the floor beside his grandfather’s chair and together they all watched the rest of the presidential address.

By the end, it was Jared who broke the silence.

“We’re going to end up back in another war, another draft,” he sighed, and Jensen felt himself go cold. No one else in the room spoke up, but he knew they were all thinking the same thing. Being of draft age worried Jensen, and he glanced over to his grandmother who had Jenna curled up on her lap. Jenna looked peaceful, relaxed in her great-grandmother’s arms. She was happy here, they both were, and the fact that there was something in this world that could pull him away from her? Could change their life in an instant? Jensen swallowed hard and shifted his position so he could reach his daughter and ran his fingers through the soft curls of her hair.