Underneath the Oak Tree -- Chapter Thirteen

[lotrspnfangirl]

February 10th, 1970
Devens, Massachusetts

It was cold. It wasn’t like Jared wasn’t used to the cold, but he was used to moving around in it – working, keeping blood pumping through his veins. Standing in the near knee deep snow, shuffling his weight back and forth, was not keeping him even the least bit warm. He sighed, rubbing his gloved hands together once more as he looked around the field before him.

Fireguard was one of the worst things he had to do so far. He could handle the PT, working on the farm had definitely helped him be in shape for what the Army had in mind for him, and he could handle the yelling and the verbal beat downs that the drill sergeant doled out every second of the day, but the unyielding cold and nights standing for two hours keeping watch over nothing? Yeah, Jared could do without that.

It was during this time that he was truly alone. He had a partner, somewhere on the other side of the barracks, and they would be skinned alive if they even thought about falling asleep. So Jared was left with his thoughts, all of them of Jensen and of Jenna.

He didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much.

Even the two years Jensen had been away from the farm after running from Jared that night they’d first kissed, Jared hadn’t even begun to comprehend the presence that was Jensen in his life. He had no idea then, only imagined, what it felt like to fall asleep in Jensen’s arms, to sit with him at the base of the oak tree and listen to him singing, to curl against him and Jenna for a picnic or an afternoon nap… Standing there alone, Jared was assaulted with memories of every touch, every whisper, every promise and word and look that there had ever been in their relationship – things he’d never have remembered in a million years. And it caused every part of him to ache.

They’d decided against writing letters – Jensen had been upset enough when Jared’s orders came, giving them less than two months before he had to ship out to basic training, that they hadn’t actually had a conversation about what came afterwards. Basic training was nine weeks and Jared had shrugged it off like it was nothing, like two months and some change not being able to talk to Jensen or hear his voice was going to be a piece of cake—they’d both be busy, it was nothing like the two years they’d been apart, it was nothing like what was coming…

Jared had written more than one letter anyways, whenever he had a spare moment and a scrap of paper. But Jensen’s fear of their true relationship being discovered had seemed to bleed into him and every time someone got too close to looking over his shoulder or poked questions at who he was writing to, asking about his woman and his life, Jared would crumple the paper and shove it deep into the pocket of his ACUs to flush later on.

When they weren’t being reamed out by the drill sergeants, the guys all talked about their girls waiting for them back home. One time someone had mentioned a family member that had been gay, and the response that came from that? Jared shivered and when they asked, he lied. He told them it was just his parents and sister back home, and for the first time he understood what Jensen was afraid of.

These guys were going to be responsible for having his back, and Jared couldn’t be honest with them about the two most important people in his life. If he mentioned Jenna, he’d have to talk about Jensen. It didn’t feel right claiming Jenna as just his. He ached to tell them all. They all should know what a wonderful man Jared had at home waiting for him. Jensen was strong and beautiful, worked hard every day of his life, and anyone would be proud to have him. Jared was the lucky one, and he wished he could tell everyone.

“Padalecki.” A voice startled him and he jumped, spinning around to see his relief man walking towards him.

“Murray.” Jared gave him a small nod and smile. Out of all the guys – Chad Murray was the one that Jared itched to tell the most. Not only had Jared seen Chad roll his eyes when the other guys were going on about ‘faggots’ and ‘fudge packers’, he was the only one so far that Jared could see himself having made friends with outside of the Army. Jared entertained the idea that Chad was gay too for all of three seconds before he started talking about how he had his choice of three girls waiting back home, though his heart belonged to only one.

Chad reached into his front pocket, pulling out a pack of smokes, and Jared took one gratefully.

“Quiet?” Chad asked as he lit the end of his cigarette and then Jared’s. Jared nodded once, taking a long drag before blowing the smoke out slowly to mix with the frozen cloud of his breath.

“Same old, same old,” Jared shrugged and Chad blew out a hard breath. Jared gave him a side glance and shook his head. “Guess I should go and get some sleep…”

“Yeah,” Chad agreed, taking the spot Jared was leaning up against when Jared moved away from the wall. “Thanks for keeping my spot warm.”

“Only for you, Murray.” Jared laughed and Chad winked at him before taking another drag of his cigarette. Jared finished his quickly, the few quick hits of nicotine making his head spin, before he dropped the butt to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of his boot.

Chad muttered something under his breath as Jared made his way back into the barracks, shaking his head as he went. He relieved himself quickly, not wanting to get caught out of bed now that his fireguard shift was over, and then slipped the jacket of his ACUs off and slid into his sleeping bag on his bunk. He sighed, closing his eyes and trying to make himself sleep. He needed the few hours and he knew the moment he opened his eyes again, they would be getting ready for first formation.

That didn’t stop his mind from running in circles around thoughts of Jensen, Jenna and home.

March 16th, 1970
Somerset, Vermont

“Jared’s coming home.” Mackenzie’s voice made Jensen jump and he turned his head to meet his sister’s eyes, trying to give her a small smile. She had Cameron on her hip and was rocking him gently as she neared the barn. “Are you excited?”

She looked happy and Jensen was surprised to see her here. He ignored her question in favor of asking one of his own, “Where’s Lee? I didn’t expect to see you this week…”

“I had him all to myself last week,” she laughed, the sound was breathless and free and he wondered just how much of that she was forcing right now. He knew how that felt… Right after Jared had been drafted, Lee had been given papers and it would only be a week now until he shipped out.

“Mack?” Jensen slipped his work gloves off and laid the bag of feed he was bringing out of the barn back to the ground.

“I’m okay,” Mackenzie whispered, her voice cracking as tears filled her eyes. Jensen was immediately at her side, wrapping his arms around his sister and his nephew and pulling them in close. “I just… needed some space. I can’t talk about it anymore, you know?”

Jensen nodded, kissing the top of her head. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“Okay, good.” Mackenzie pushed away from him and used her free hand to wipe at her eyes. “Let’s talk about you then. Jenna is inside telling Gram all of the things she’s going to show Jared when he gets back… She’s been drawing him pictures every day, did you know that?”

Jensen nodded and gave a small smile. “Yeah, I told her we couldn’t write him letters, but that shouldn’t stop her from doing so and giving them to him when he got back home.”

“I think it was a great idea to let her do that,” Mackenzie agreed, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “You’re going to have to think of something to do when he’s over there though, Jense… You’re both going to go crazy without writing to one another.”

Jensen sighed, turning away from his sister and letting his eyes fall closed. He felt her press closer, knew she was fighting with making another comment. Jensen didn’t know what to say to her. For the past three months, he’d felt like he was seconds away from imploding. There were so many thoughts and fears running through his head that he didn’t think he’d gotten a good night sleep since the night before the lottery.

When Mackenzie touched his arm, he jumped and found himself turning towards her, surprised to find his eyes swimming in tears.

“Jensen…” She whispered and he looked away from her, reaching down for the bag of feed.

“How, Mackenzie… How were you so sure Lee was going to come back okay, that he’s going to come back okay… this time.” His voice was a whisper and he focused on the bag in his hands instead of watching Mackenzie’s face. He left the barn, heading towards the chicken coop and Mackenzie followed after him.

“Jensen, not everyone is like Dad…”

“That’s not what I asked, Mack.”

She was silent, following after him, her footsteps crunching on the snow behind him. He let himself into the coop and spread the seed around, stepping past the chickens that came out of the henhouse to flock towards the feed. When the bag was empty, he made a show of folding it over precisely four times before shoving it under his arm and turning to see Mackenzie watching him with a dejected look on her face.

She opened the gate for him and stopped him halfway back to the house by slipping her free arm around his waist and hugging his back tightly.

“I knew that Lee was going to come back, because he had something to come back to.” Mackenzie whispered into his shirt, fingers digging into his hip as if she was grounding herself just as much as him. “I gave him love, marriage, and now kids. I gave him a home, a life. And every single day I wake up terrified that he’s going to forget all that… just like Dad did. Because Mom gave Dad all of that too, and look how he was.

“I told Lee this, and he shook his head and told me that every day I help remind him by just being me. That he’s seen guys who lost hope and sight of what they left behind and he makes a point to never let go of that. Last time, I wrote him a letter. Promises, really, of what our life would be like when he got back and I told him he wasn’t allowed to read it until he truly needed the reminder and the encouragement.

“That letter was needed so many times it was more tattered than my picture, Jense, and he has it tucked in his nightstand even now. I wrote him another one for this tour, too,” she whispered, finally releasing him only to step forward directly into his path. She reached up cupping his cheek and making his eyes meet hers. “We’re in a partnership, I will use every chance I get to remind him of what he has to live for and come home to, and he will do his job by remembering it. I’m not saying it’s easy… Hell, we both know that it’s not. Lee won’t talk about his last tour, and that’s fine because he talks to the guys, and he came home.”

“What can I give Jared?” Jensen asked softly, leaning into his sister’s touch.

“Everything, Jensen, just like you already have… ” She gave a small laugh and shook her head, leaning up on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. “You’re blind, big brother, if you don’t realize how much that man has fallen for you and for Jenna. You’ve given him everything I’ve given Lee… a family, love, life.”

Jensen was quiet for a moment before he nodded. “Thanks, Mack.”

“There’s one more thing you need to do,” Mackenzie said as she started walking back towards the house.

“What’s that?” Jensen asked, moving after her and stopping only to dispose of the empty feed bag when they passed the barn.

“Put a smile on your face! Your man is coming home, Jensen.”

Jensen nodded and flashed her a huge grin. When she was satisfied and turned around, Jensen found it was easy to keep the smile on his face.

May 12th, 1970
Somerset, Vermont

Jensen walked beside Jared, swinging their hands together gently as they walked up the path to the trees. He was fighting back the flutter of nerves in his stomach and the need to glance over at Jared to make sure he was still with him.

Jared had been home for a month now, and it was almost scary how easily he’d slipped back into everyday life with them at the farm. Jensen wasn’t sure what exactly he had expected, but it hadn’t been this. For the first week or so, Jared acted a bit strangely, sure, but was quick to laugh it off and was just the same as always.

Jensen knew in reality, it wouldn’t be the same once Jared came back from a tour, but he couldn’t tell his heart not to cling to that hope.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Jared mused, squeezing Jensen’s hand as they broke out of the woods and into the clearing. Jensen sighed, tugging Jared forward until they reached the oak tree. Jared chuckled and slid down the trunk, letting his legs fall open so Jensen could settle himself between them and lean against Jared’s chest.

“I am not ready for this,” Jensen said softly as he relaxed against Jared, closing his eyes and breathing in the Spring air and soaking up the warmth from Jared’s body and the sunshine that was beating down on them through the branches and leaves.

“I know, Jensen…” Jared whispered back, wrapping his arms around Jensen’s body and kissing the top of his head. “Jenna brought it up to me last night when I was putting her to bed…” Jensen cocked his head to the side, letting Jared know he was listening and waited for him to continue. “She said she knew I was going away again, just like I had over the winter, and she asked me if I could just stay home and be with her instead. I told her that the Army needed me to fight for them and that I didn’t have a choice. She gave me this…”

Jared reached between them and from his shirt pocket pulled out a little plastic soldier – one she must have gotten from her cousins—with a pink ribbon tied around its little green body. Jensen took it and twisted it between his fingers, a smile on his face. “What did she say when she gave it to you?”

Jared took it back and held it flat in his palm before he leaned forward to kiss the side of Jensen’s neck. “She said that I was the soldier and the ribbon was you and her, tied around my heart no matter where I went.”

Jensen turned, meeting Jared’s eyes and Jared nodded once.

“Yeah, I sat stunned for a second before I pulled her into my arms. I don’t know where she comes up with half the things she does… but she’s a hell of lot smarter than I ever was at ten. I kind of let her get away with staying up for reading another chapter, as long as she was quiet so you didn’t yell at us both!”

Jensen closed the distance between them, kissing Jared with everything he had, and after a moment of confusion, Jared was kissing him back, the soldier curled safely in his hand.

“What was that for?” he asked when Jensen finally pulled back. “Not that I’m complaining…”

“I need you to come home,” Jensen blurted out, pushing up onto his knees and turning so that he was facing Jared, their eyes at the same level. He felt the panic he’d been fighting so hard to push back rising as he searched Jared’s eyes. “I need you to come home, safe and just… just like you are right now. Please, Jared… I need you to… for Jenna as much as for me.”

“Jensen—" Jared started, reaching for Jensen’s face, but Jensen shook him off quickly and grabbed his hands to hold with his own between them.

“Jared… I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t, okay? We need you, I need you. I know I haven’t been the best partner for you, not always… I know I’ve been stubborn and scared at times, and I know that’s stopped me from letting you know how I truly feel, and I’m so sorry for that. But I love you, Jared, I love you so much it terrifies me and the thought of you not coming home…? or coming home as someone completely different…? I… I couldn’t survive that.”

“Jensen… I don’t know what’s going to happen over there…” Jared twisted his hands free and reached for Jensen again, this time making contact as he slid his palms across Jensen’s cheeks so his fingers were buried in the soft hair at the back of his head. “But what I do know is that I will do anything and everything it takes to come home to you and Jenna. You two are stuck with me, no matter what happens. There is nothing on this Earth that would stop me from coming home to you… nothing.”

Jared pulled them together, kissing Jensen softly, his lips working slowly over Jensen’s until he finally relaxed and opened for the kiss. Jared kissed him slowly, hands moving down his shoulders and arms until they came to Jensen’s back and he was able to pull him even closer. The angle was uncomfortable, Jensen’s legs twisted beneath him and a tree root digging painfully into the back of his thigh, but he didn’t care. Finally, Jared pulled back and rested their foreheads together, panting softly as he tried to catch his breath.

“Jensen, I intend to spend the rest of my life with you and Jenna,” he whispered, and Jensen felt his heart jump at the words. “I know you’re afraid that I’m going to come back like your Dad did, you can’t argue that with me… but I know for a fact that I won’t. I know I won’t because I have something your dad never had… you at my side.”

“Jared,” Jensen breathed out his name, a million thoughts swirling around his head fighting to be the first to be said aloud. Jensen pulled back enough to meet Jared’s eyes and he said the first thing that came into his mind. “Marry me, Jared.”

Jensen felt a jolt go through Jared and his large, hazel eyes widened, staring down Jensen as if he were in shock. Jared’s lips parted slightly, but no words came out. Jensen was quick to continue, part of him afraid of what Jared would say when he found his voice, the other terrified of the silence.

“Yes… marry me, Jared. I want you to marry me. I want you to know that no matter what, I am yours. I want you to be my husband, Jenna’s father.”

“Jensen… we can’t…” Jared whispered, shaking his head slowly as he reached for Jensen’s hands. “I want to… God… of course I want to be your husband. But we can’t… We’re not allowed to-"

“Why not?” Jensen whispered back, shifting closer. “Why not, Jared? I’m asking you to marry me… just for us… not for the state or for the law. I want you to be my husband, Jared… and as far as I’m concerned… why is that anyone else’s damned business besides ours?” It’s God’s business… flitted quickly across Jensen’s mind, but he pushed it away quickly and focused his attention completed on Jared. Not surprisingly, Jared knew where Jensen’s mind had gone, he always did.

“If this was wrong in His eyes, Jensen…? I’m sure something bad would have happened to us by now.” Jared leaned forward to kiss Jensen softly again and Jensen allowed himself to relax into the kiss. When they broke apart, Jared ran the back of his hand down Jensen’s cheek. “Jensen Ackles, I would love nothing more than to marry you.”

May 29th, 1970
Somerset, Vermont

Jensen shifted, hot and uncomfortable in his suit. His stomach was a knotted bundle of nerves, for more than one reason, and he ached to be beside Jared. They only had two more days until Jared was being shipped out, would be leaving them for Vietnam, and Jensen was terrified in more ways than he knew how to verbalize.

Jared’s parents and Jensen’s grandparents, plus Mackenzie and Megan, were more than supportive about their decision and were instantly on board to actually plan a ‘wedding’ in the few weeks they had left. Jensen hadn’t believed that any of it was necessary – he had just intended to speak his simple vows with Jared and maybe Jenna, and they would know. That was all that mattered to him. But when Jared’s eyes lit up as his mother and sister started talking about making a cake and bringing in flowers and decorating the farmhouse… Jensen had decided to bite back his negative response and just let it happen.

They’d kept Jared away last night and that was the first time Jared seemed upset over the more traditional way their families were insisting this wedding take place. Hiding a chuckle, Jensen had heard him grumbling and protesting about not being a bride that needed to be kept away from her husband on the eve of the wedding.

Martha had chided them, told them it was just one night and then they would have the rest of their lives together, and Jensen wanted to scream in the lonely silence that blanketed their room. No one wanted to say it, no one wanted to admit that they knew how many Vietnam-bound soldiers didn’t have the rest of their lives, so instead he nodded and took Jenna to her room to get ready for bed.

Now, Jensen was standing beneath their oak tree, dressed in his Sunday’s best, his arms aching from how quickly he tried to plow through this morning’s chores, many times lifting nearly twice the amounts of food supplies he normally would to get all of the animals fed and watered.

Beside him, Gerry gave Jensen a blinding smile, reaching forward to squeeze Jensen’s arm fondly.

“I’ve always thought of you like my son, Jensen,” he murmured, his eyes glimmering with unshed tears. “You have made my Jared happier than I ever thought possible. I’m so proud of you both… and today… I’m honored to call you my son and officially welcome you into the family.”

Jensen swallowed the knot in his throat and nodded back, not trusting himself to speak. Understanding, Gerry clapped his shoulder happily before clasping his hands in front of him. Together, they looked to the tree line just in time to see Jenna skipping forward in her new yellow sundress, carrying a wicker basket full of wildflowers.

“It’s amazing how quickly they grow up,” Albert whispered from his other side and Jensen nodded, smiling at his daughter. Behind them, Mackenzie was walking with four-year old Kaleb, and Megan was carrying Cameron in her arms. The four of them came to stand beside Albert and Jensen, spreading out to the side.

Martha and Sherri were on either side of Jared, both women wearing brightly colored sundresses as well, both of them being escorted by Jared. And Jared…? Jensen inhaled sharply, staring as he moved forward, his tall frame unusually graceful as he made his way across the meadow towards the base of the tree. Jared wore a suit as well, and Jensen found himself grinning when he realized the tie was one of his own. But it was Jared’s smile, huge and carefree, showing off his dimples and perfect teeth that made Jensen’s heart come to a stop.

Martha had trimmed Jared’s hair again for his tour, and although Jensen missed the longer locks of Jared’s hair, it didn’t make him any less beautiful. When Jared was finally before him, reaching for Jensen’s hand, Jensen felt the world around them stop and all he could do was stare at Jared’s beautiful face.

“This isn’t your traditional wedding in any sense,” Gerry started and Jensen allowed himself to be pulled back and forced himself to focus on the words he was saying. “But that just makes this moment even more extraordinary. We have all witnessed the love story that has been Jared and Jensen’s, seen the struggles and hurdles they’ve already overcome, and found themselves on the other side thriving. Life itself, is never easy, but it’s bearable when you have the support and companionship of someone you love.

“Today, two families come together to support and show their admiration and love for these two men we’ve watched grow up, and I personally could not be more proud to have been a part of their lives. Jared and Jensen, I speak for all of us when I say that you will continue to have our undying love, care, support and respect.”

“Thank you, Dad,” Jared whispered and Jensen squeezed Jared’s hands between his own.

“You’re welcome, boys. Now, I believe you both wrote your own vows?”

Jared nodded once and cleared his throat, dropping Jensen’s hands to reach into his pocket for a piece of paper. He held it before him, hands trembling and his voice shaking, and Jensen smiled as he watched the way Jared’s lips moved as he spoke.

“Jensen… from the start, you have been my best friend, mentor, confidant and my greatest challenge. Today, you are all of those as well as the love of my life and you make me happier than I ever could have imagined and I feel more loved than I thought possible. Because of you, I’m a better person and the love I feel from you is reflected in the way I live my life every day. I am so blessed to be a part of your life, a part of Jenna’s, and grateful that it has become our life together.

“I promise to love you, respect you, dream with you, and give you everything I have to give as your partner, friend and lover until the day I die. Always.”

Jensen smiled as Jared folded up the paper and held it in his palm as he took Jensen’s hand again, his eyes shining in the sunlight. Jensen nodded once and then cleared his own throat.

“Jared… You know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow, still, you manage to love me. You are my best friend, you are the only man I love, and there isn’t one part of me that doesn’t wake up every morning in awe that I am the one you’ve chosen. I always thought life was cruel and harsh, but you help me see it in a much different light.

“I see these vows, not as promises, but as privileges. I get to laugh with you, cry with you, care for you and share my life with you. I get to walk beside you and build a life with you. Never once did I believe you were the lucky one. You saved me and I will spend every day of my life working towards being someone worthy of your love.”

Jared smiled and closed the space between them, holding the back of Jensen’s head as he pulled him in and sealed their lips together. Jensen heard Gerry mutter, “I didn’t tell them to kiss yet” and then the soft smack of Sherri hitting his arm, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I love you,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s lips.

“And I love you,” Jensen replied, hugging Jared close. “Always.”

“Always.”


Master Post || Chapter Twelve || Chapter Fourteen

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