lotrspnfangirl | Screaming Color

Title: Screaming Color (2/14)
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Warnings: Past abuse (physical and emotional), referenced rape/non-con
Disclaimer: I do not personally know, nor do I own, Jensen or Jared. This is purely fictional.
Summary (shortened): Jared escapes his hometown, and his past, for a fresh start in the bright and busy city of New York. Jensen has been stationed in the city for the better part of the last four years. When they finally get together, neither one wants to let their fears or scars hold them back. But when the world around you doesn’t actually know you, and the demons of your past threaten to break you, can love really conqueror all?
A/N: Any feedback is welcome! It fuels the fire :)
Other stories/chapters can be found in the Fiction Index

Chapter Two: Style

“Take me home, just take me home
Just take me home.
You got that James Dean day dream look in your eye
And I got that red lip classic thing that you like
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time"
‘Style’ by Taylor Swift, 1989.

“This is where you live?” Jared asked as they approached the large apartment building, a few blocks down from the bar.
“Yeah,” Jensen said looking up at the building for a moment before turning to look at Jared. “They are sophisticated and elegant family style apartments, you know.”

“Huh.” Jared replied, laughing as they walked through the doors that were being held open for them.

“It’s not too bad… close enough to everything I need. Some of the guys I work with live here too. That’s how I found out about it. A little pricey, but I get a living siphon from my job.”

“Oh yeah? What do you do for work?” Jared asked as they reached the elevator at the back of the lobby.

“I’m… I’m in the Army, actually. Military Police. I’m stationed here at Fort Hamilton.” Jensen shrugged and reached over Jared to press the button for the seventh floor. He peered through his eyelashes to gauge Jared’s reaction.

“I bet you look smokin’ in uniform.” Jared said, giving Jensen the once over.

“Well, I have to admit…” Jensen laughed, relieved. Lately with all of the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ drama, whenever he had mentioned the military to a date – it had become a long winded debate that never ended in his favor. “What about you? Any sexy uniforms?”

“Well… how do you feel about scrubs?”

“You’re a nurse? Now that’s hot.” Jensen laughed. “Does that mean we can play Doctor?”

“Seriously.” Jared rolled his eyes, relaxing against the side of the elevator as the doors opened on the fourth floor to let people on. “I’m a CRNA, Certified Nurse Anesthetist. I work in the operating rooms with the Anesthesiologist.”

“And to think I play with guns all day…” Jared smiled his response before a comfortable silence fell over them. Jared’s hair fell against his forehead, and Jensen smiled as he watched him reach up and push it back out of his eyes. Although Jensen wasn’t a huge fair of longer hair, it looked damn sexy on Jared.

“I’m feeling Thai.” He said as the elevator dinged on his floor and opened up into the hallway. “I’m three doors down.”

“Thai sounds good to me.” Jared agreed, standing behind Jensen as he unlocked the door and held it open. “Wow.”

“It’s not much…” Jensen shrugged, shutting the door behind him. “I’ll take your jacket.” As Jared slipped the jacket off of his shoulders, Jensen shuddered as he took in the sight. Jared was wearing a tight white t-shirt that showed off every curve of his muscled back and arms. Swallowing hard, Jensen resisted the urge to shove him against the wall and have him right then and there. “Kitchen is in here, help yourself to anything you want. Living room is to the left…”

“Dude, you have guitars hanging up in your living room.” Jared made a beeline for the back wall where some of Jensen’s favorite albums and a few of his prized guitars were hanging.

“Yeah I do… my first acoustic and my first electric.” He pointed to them both in turn. “And I ended up getting that one from a Bon Jovi concert.”

“That’s seriously the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen.” Jared’s smile was huge. Jensen left Jared to admire the wall and went into the kitchen to order their food. When he came back into the living room, Jared was sitting on the couch, leaning against the arm rest.

“I ordered a few different things, I hope that’s okay.” Jensen handed Jared a beer before taking a spot beside him. “They’ll be about twenty minutes.” As they waited for their food, they talked about music. As Jared started getting into the conversation, Jensen noticed that when he was particularly excited about something he would push his hand through his hair and talked with his hands. It made Jensen want to push his own hands through Jared’s hair…

As the food arrived, they both ended up kicking off their shoes and lounging on the couches with the takeout boxes. They talked about sports, the news, weather, politics… With each new topic, Jensen found himself relaxing in the other man’s presence, happy he was able to relate and have a conversation. Most of the guys he ended up bringing back to his place were not easy to talk to, and were really only interested in one thing. Not that he wasn’t interested in that…

With everything Jared talked about, he seemed to have a passion that shone through. Even when they disagreed on something, Jensen found himself more interested in Jared’s opinion than stating his own. For the first time in a long time, Jensen wondered if perhaps it was time for him to pursue something other than a one night stand… Watching Jared talk about Obamacare and the pros and cons for hospitals, Jensen realized he could enjoy having these types of conversations with Jared more often.

“Man.” Jared laughed, ending his tirade on the changes of Medicare and putting down his chop sticks and empty carton of Pad Thai. “I’m so friggen stuffed.”

“Tell me about it… You ate enough for the entire Army! And I would know!” Jensen leaned forward, putting his own container on the coffee table. Jared smiled, leaning his head back against the couch and letting his eyes fall closed. Jensen mirrored his position, studying his face.

Jared opened one hazel eye, a smirk on his face that brought out his dimples.

“Are you going to stare at me Jensen, or are you going to get over here and kiss me?” Jensen raised an eyebrow, smiling, before moving forward to settle himself between Jared’s legs.

“I’ve wanted to do this all night…” he said, reaching up and pushing a hand through Jared’s hair and pulling his face towards his own. He pressed his lips against Jared’s, smiling against Jared’s lips as the other man’s breath caught.

Jared reached forward, gripping the front of Jensen’s shirt and deepening the kiss. Jensen grabbed Jared’s lower lip between his teeth, sucking it gently into his mouth and eliciting a soft moan from him. Jared shifted on the couch, letting Jensen fall flush against his body. Slowly, they explored each other’s mouths, their hands roaming and pulling as they went. Jared tasted of Pad Thai, peppermint, and underneath all of that was the delicious taste of Jared himself.

Usually, the couch ended up being a trap of tangled limbs, with his knees or elbows slipping past the cushions and digging into the springs beneath. But with Jared, even being a few inches taller than he was, they fit together perfectly. He could feel every inch of Jared pressed up against him.

Jared’s hands pushed up underneath his shirt, fingers pressing into his back to press them closer. A sudden overwhelming desire to rip every piece of clothing of Jared’s body made him pull back, breathing hard.

“Jared… We can move this elsewhere… if you would like.” Between each pause, Jared moved from Jensen’s lips to kiss down his neck. Jared met his eyes, biting his lower lip before nodding.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” Jared kissed him once more before letting Jensen pull him off the couch and lead him into the bedroom. Jensen stopped just before the bed, turning back to face Jared. He reached forward, wrapping his arms around Jared and pulling them together once again.

Warmth spread over Jensen’s body as he pressed against Jared, leaning up to capture his lips. It had been a long time since he had wanted anybody as badly as this. Jared was smart, he was funny, he was attractive… and Jensen couldn’t wait to see what else he could learn about him. Jensen licked along Jared’s lower lip, smiling as Jared’s mouth fell open, inviting him in. He wrapped his arms tighter around Jared, loving the way this man felt against him.

Dropping one of his arms, Jensen grabbed the hem of his shirt and broke away long enough to pull it over his head and throw it into the floor. Jared bit his lower lip again as he looked at Jensen’s bare chest, and Jensen almost groaned out loud. Jared reached down to pull off his own shirt, revealing his extremely sexy toned chest… Jensen attacked, spinning them around and kissing his way down Jared’s chest. He pressed them back until Jared’s knees hit the back of the bed and they tumbled down together.

Jared couldn’t believe he was here. Jensen’s hand felt strong against his back, leading him towards the large bedroom at the back of the apartment. He was nervous… he hadn’t been with anyone else in the last six years other than Chad. Shut up… he told himself, stopping short beside Jensen. Jensen turned to him, his eyes flashing in the dim light, his pupils large.

Jensen reached around Jared’s back and Jared dipped his head lower to meet Jensen’s lips. He opened his mouth as Jensen’s tongue licked across his lower lip. Jensen’s arms were strong and full and Jared felt safe wrapped around him.

Jensen grabbed the bottom of his shirt, ripping it off of his head and throwing it to the ground beside them. Jared bit his lip again, wanting nothing more than to run his hands up and down Jensen’s chest. This man looked perfect… He had to be dreaming. Jared reached down to pull his own shirt off over his head. As the fabric slipped from his fingers, Jensen was against him again, kissing his neck and pressing him back into the bed.

“You think you can leave me?” Rough hands pressed against his chest, pushing him hard back into the bed and climbing over him.

“Chad… stop. Please…. Just get your stuff and leave.” Jared pleaded as he felt Chad tugging at the rest of his clothes.

Jared shook his head, reaching up to pull Jensen’s lips to his once again, trying to push back the memory… To focus on the feel of Jensen’s lips, his skin…

”Shut up Jared. You’re so much prettier when you’re silent.” Chad claimed his mouth, forcing his tongue between his lips. His hands worked quickly, struggling to get off both of their jeans. Jared tried to pull back, pushing at Chad’s chest. “Don’t struggle Jared, you know you want me.”

“No… Chad, stop.” Pain suddenly overwhelmed his senses as Chad punched him in the side of the head. As his vision cleared, he froze against Chad’s body still pressed against his.

Jensen moaned against his mouth, pressing his hips into Jared’s. Jared focused on Jensen’s arms, strong and wrapped around him. “Jared…” Jensen whispered against his lips as Jared reached around, looping his fingers in Jensen’s jeans to keep him close.

”I told you.” His voice was a hot whisper against his ear, a contrast to the cool blade pressed against his neck. “I will not tell you again.”

Jared lay still, allowing Chad to finally get his jeans off. His head was pounding, matching his heart beat battering inside his chest, and vomit churned in his stomach as Chad began to touch him. Chad was murmuring softly as his lips pressed against Jared’s skin. Inhaling sharply, Jared realized that Chad’s hold on the knife had relaxed, and he reacted, reaching for it.

They struggled quickly until Jared screamed. The knife had plunged into Jared’s stomach. Chad leaned against the blade to move an inch away from Jared’s face.

“You always have to be a bad little bitch, don’t you?”

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, the weight on top of him suddenly suffocating. Jensen’s hands were running down his bare chest, his fingertips brushing against the scar on his stomach. Nausea rolled over him.

“Stop! Stop!” Jared yelled, pushing hard.

“Okay!” Jensen pulled back, alarmed as he looked at Jared’s face. The confusion masking the need in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“No… I can’t.” Tears sprung to Jared’s eyes as he shook his head frantically and scambled back away from Jensen’s touch. He threw his legs over the side of the bed, looking around for his shirt. He felt like an idiot… “I’m sorry.”

“Jared, what’s wrong? Did I do something?” Panic in Jensen’s voice nearly broke his heart. All he ever did was ruin things…

“No, it’s me. I’m so sorry Jensen. I have to go.” Jensen was calling after him as he ran out of the room, stopping in the living room to grab his shoes. He could hear Jensen coming after him as he threw himself out into the hallway and ran to the elevator.

“Stupid… stupid…” He whispered, tears burning his eyes as he slammed the elevator button.

“Jared! Please, wait!” Jensen yelled, popping his head into the hallway. Jared looked at him, panicked as the elevator dinged it’s arrival.

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head and stepped forward, pressing the close button and shrinking back against the far wall. Jared could still hear Jensen calling his name as the elevator began to sink. He closed his eyes, pressing back against the cool wall before the doors opened and released him.

He fumbled with his keys, nearly dropping them his hands were shaking so badly. As he let himself into the apartment, he turned around and locked and dead bolted the door.

Thanks for convincing me to go out. Had a real great night. My date thinks I’m a freak, I’m sure. He texted Jeff, pushing the send button and instantly regretting it as the message displayed sent. Sorry… not your fault. Call you tomorrow.

It was completely unfair to blame his brother. Jeff only wanted what was best for him… How was he to know how fucked up Jared actually was? He held the power button and walked into the kitchen, sliding the phone onto the counter. He opened the fridge before realizing he had never gotten groceries, or more importantly, beer. Sighing, he let the door slam shut, plunging himself back into darkness.

He pressed his forehead against the fridge and realized he was still carrying his shirt and shoes in one hand. Jensen has got to think he’s a total lunatic. He dropped his shoes and shirt in front of the refrigerator and kicked his jeans into the pile as well.

Nothing like you’re date having a mental breakdown and running out of your apartment half naked to ruin the mood. And of course, they just had to live in the same apartment building. Jared made his way to the bedroom, crawling back underneath the comforter. He never should have gone out…

For once, Jared was glad he had accepted the new position for the night shift. Hopefully, he would never run into Jensen in the lobby. How completely mortifying that would be… Jared closed his eyes, hugging the comforter closer to his body.

The night had been going too well anyways… Jensen was pretty much perfect, way better than he deserved. No way in hell would Jared have ever been able to talk about half the things he talked about with Jensen tonight with Chad. For the past six years, most of the conversations he had entertained with people outside of his family had been work related, and by that, Chad’s work related. Jensen seemed genuinely interested in the things Jared had to say… plus, he had an amazing body.

Jared lifted his fingers, pressing them against his lips. If he closed his eyes he could almost imagine Jensen still pressed against them. He sighed letting his hand fall back down. He reached back under the covers to trace the scar on his stomach.

After Chad had finished with him, he had called the police to report his boyfriend had been stabbed. The knife had pierced his stomach and part of his large intestine. Two surgeries later, a few meetings with a lawyer, and six weeks in physical rehab, Jared was completely cleared as healed and Chad was behind bars. He had no lasting side effects, save from the slight numbness below the scar… but the scar ran much deeper than his abdominal wall.

He was broken, completely broken. That much, at least, was clear. Jensen, as far as he could tell, was the completely opposite from Chad in every way. Even though both of them were employed in law enforcement, they couldn’t be more different. He couldn’t lie to himself… even after everything, with Jensen completely wrapped around him, Jared still felt incredibly guilty for getting Chad arrested. This was the man that at one point, he would have done anything for. Even after the drinking and the hitting began… Nausea once against rolled through his stomach. He was never going to be free…

“Fuck.” He whispered out loud and finally let the tears fall.

“Shut the fuck up Tom.” Jensen whispered hotly, anger flashing in his eyes as he looked back over his shoulder at his friend. “I told you to back the fuck off about it.”
“You’re getting too pissy Jenny boy.” Tom laughed, catching up with him. They were at the local track for their surprise PT test. Jensen bit his tongue, pressing his legs harder as he burst into a sprint, leaving Tom laughing behind him.

“Time.” He panted at the sergeant tasked with timing their runs.

“13:43.” Came the reply. Jensen nodded, reaching down on the bench behind him to pick up a towel and wipe down his face and neck.

“Wait up.” Tom jogged up beside him, wiping his own face down. “Dude, seriously, I was just kidding.”

“I didn’t tell you to get made fun of.” Jensen fired at him, punching his shoulder. “I still wish I knew what I did…”

“Maybe she’ll be at the bar again?” Tom shrugged, opening the door as they reached the shower building. “You could just ask her.”

Jensen nodded, walking into the building and moving towards his locker for his shower bag. Although he hadn’t told Tom who he had brought home, he did explain that right as things got hot and heavy, his date had high tailed it out of his apartment. Even with Tom treating the entire thing as a joke, for the past three days all Jensen was able to do was obsess over it.

From his perspective… things seemed to be going great. He found himself thinking about Jared quite often… the way he felt, the way he pushed his hair back, his smile and his laugh… He sighed, stripping out of his PT clothes and turning on the water.

“Dude, just forget about her. Maybe you just brought home a crazy chick.”

“No…” Jensen shook his head. Jared wasn’t crazy. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure of it. Something had happened to Jared. Was that why he moved to New York? Although it didn’t really matter—Jensen was never going to see Jared again – it made him curious to know what had scared him so badly and angry that someone would inflict that type of pain.

“I can give you Nancy’s number if you want.” Tom shrugged, stepping under his own spray.

“I’ll pass on your sloppy seconds.” Jensen rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that crept to his lips. The conversation was over as Tom started singing some country song and allowing Jensen to retreat back into his own thoughts.

“Are we going out tonight?” Tom as they followed the rest of their unit to final formation. They moved to their individual teams, waiting for the First Sergeant to address them.

“Not really feeling it tonight…” Jensen shook his head and then sighed as he saw Tom’s expression. “I’ll think about it.”

“What if I’m buying?” Dom asked before looking forward as the First Sergeant came to stand before them.

“Fall in!” He waited as the final stragglers from the shower hall fell into line. “At ease. Good job today, soldiers. We had an overall passing score of 95% for the PT test. We will be doing equipment checks on Monday, so make sure you log into your AKO account for the required equipment list. You do not need to bring everything in, New York State would not appreciate four hundred footlockers clogging up their subways, but make sure your list is accurate. Be safe this weekend, remember you are always a representative of the United States Army and I will not be pleased to hear of any indiscretions like last weekend.”

They all said “Yes, Sergeant!” before they were released.

“Sergeant Ackles, Sergeant Welling.” Both Jensen and Tom turned around as the First Sergeant approached them. “We are taking volunteers for an upcoming tour to Afghanistan. We will be deploying mid-August. As Platoon Sergeants I would like you to inform the Team Leaders and get a list of who would like to sign up for me by Monday.”

“Yes, Sergeant.” Jensen said in unison with Tom. The First Sergeant nodded to them before turning back around to find the other two Platoon Sergeants in the unit.

“We’re totally fucking going.” Tom said, slamming his hand against Jensen’s back when they were out of earshot. “Dude, you know you can’t let me go alone.”

“My mother is going to flip out.” Jensen rolled his eyes at how excited his friend was. “Where do you think they’ll send us?”

“I don’t know… Probably Bagram if I had to guess. We’ll find out soon I suppose. So you’re going to sign up?”

“You think I would let you have all of the fun?” Jensen asked, pushing away from Tom as his friend did a fist pump in the air. “You’re so lame, Welling.

“Whatever, Jackles.” Tom laughed, throwing his arm around Jensen’s shoulder and pulling him into his side. “Now you totally have to go out with me tonight to celebrate. You know how many chicks dig the soldier thing?”

“You are the absolute lowest form of low.” Jensen laughed, but agreed nonetheless. Jensen sighed, listening to Tom go on about how he was going to use this to his advantage to fuck as many girls as possible before they left. Promising to meet him in half an hour, Jensen finally broke free from him and headed for home.

As he stepped into his apartment, he saw Jared’s coat still hanging in the closet. He sighed, running his hand down the fabric slowly. What was wrong with him? He felt like he was a teenager again, crushing after the football star. He dropped the arm of Jared’s coat and moved to his bedroom to change.

Maybe tonight he would pick up someone and he could erase the feeling of Jared pressed against him. It was ridiculous to pine over someone who so very obviously was not interested in him. He picked up guys for a reason – no relationship, no mess, and no one had to find out that he wasn’t looking for the typical wife, two point five kids, and a picket fence. As he left the apartment he tried to ignore the hopeful feeling that maybe, just maybe, Jared would find him at the bar again.

Chapter Three

Fiction Index