Screaming Color -- Ch. 6 Wildest Dreams

[lotrspnfangirl]

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Title: Screaming Color (6/14)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Warnings: Past abuse (physical and emotional), referenced rape/non-con
Disclaimer: I do not personally know, nor do I own, Jensen or Jared. This is purely fictional.
Summary (shortened): Jared escapes his hometown, and his past, for a fresh start in the bright and busy city of New York. Jensen has been stationed in the city for the better part of the last four years. When they finally get together, neither one wants to let their fears or scars hold them back. But when the world around you doesn’t actually know you, and the demons of your past threaten to break you, can love really conqueror all?
A/N: I changed the rating of this story to NC-17... I hadn't originally planned on making it an explicit fic. I apologize if this bothers anyone!!!
Other stories/chapters can be found in the Fiction Index






Chapter Six: Wildest Dreams
He said 'let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds'
I thought heaven can't help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He's so tall, and handsome as hell
He's so bad, but he does it so well
I can see the end as it begins
My one condition is
Say you'll remember me
'Wildest Dreams' by Taylor Swift, 1989.




Jensen Ackles was a patient man, or at least that's what he liked to believe. He never got annoyed or anxious if he had to wait in line at the bank, or was stuck in rush hour traffic. He allowed his mother to go through her tirade of worrying how he was doing and cursing him for not calling enough, with lack of complaint and a smile on his face. He knew that good things came to those who wait, and he was okay with that. Today, however, he was not a patient man.

He had less than 36 hours.

"Ackles! Are we going out tonight for one last night on the town?" He was instantly irritated when he answered the phone and it was Tom on the other end.

"Dude," He sighed, trying not to show his exasperation. "I am going to be spending the next twelve months with you."

"Don't you want to get some before we go and you're stuck with me?" Tom laughed, and Jensen could picture the eyebrow his friend probably had raised in suggestion.

"Well..." Jensen laughed. "I'm good tonight, man. I'll see you on Monday morning, bright and early."

"Alright... well if you change your mind, me and a bunch of the guys are going to be at Gotham." Tom replied.

"Okay, I appreciate the invite." Tom grunted a reply before hanging up and Jensen stared at the screen as the call cleared to show the time. He still had twenty five minutes until Jared was out of work. He threw himself back down on his couch, sighing.

"Yes?" He answered his phone the next time it rang, expecting another invite.

"Well, that's a nice hello." Jared's voice washed over him and he didn't bother fighting the goofy smile as he sat up.

"I thought so."

"So, I'm leaving work now... I just have a few things to pick up. Did you still want to hang out tonight?" Jared asked and Jensen could hear the sounds of the subway in the background.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I want to spend the night with you." Jensen glanced over to the shopping bag he tossed onto the counter when he had gotten back from the base that morning. He chewed his lower lip as he thought about what he bought, wondering if he was expecting too much or being too pushy.

"Just making sure... I figured Tom would probably be planning to get everyone well and smashed this weekend. Do you mind coming to my place?" Since Jared had gotten back to New York, they had barely spent any time apart, alternating between the two apartments. For the most part, Jared had preferred to come up to Jensen's apartment and Jensen had a sneaking suspicion that the other man felt safer knowing Chad didn't know the phone number or the address he was at.

"Yeah, just let me know when to come down. Should I get dinner?"

"No, I have everything taken care of. Just bring your clothes for tomorrow and a six pack." Jensen heard the smile on the other end. "I have a surprise for you."

"For me? Well, now I definitely can't wait." Jensen laughed, feeling slightly better about his earlier purchase. Maybe he wasn't being pushy after all...

Jensen relaxed into the couch again after Jared hung up, a good anxious feeling fluttering through his stomach. He couldn't believe the past two months had flown by so quickly... August had crept up on him and sucker punched him in he stomach, a huge reality check to what was fast approaching. Even though it was a Saturday, he had spent his morning checking equipment and supplies for himself as well as his team to make sure that everything was set so Monday morning they could load up the buses and make their way to Jersey.

When he agreed to sign up for another tour... he hadn't expected to be in a relationship. He didn't even know how to be deployed and maintain a relationship at the same time. The last tour he had gone on, he hadn't met Adam yet, and was content to spending his evenings screwing around in chat rooms.

As he lay, staring up at the ceiling, he couldn't stop the thoughts of doubt from blossoming. What if Jared met someone else while he was gone? He was so proud of the other man. Jared had come back to New York with a newfound ambition to shed his past and had been slowly gaining confidence in himself. Anyone with eyes could see how special Jared was... He was beautiful, inside and out. Jensen knew how lucky he was to be able to have Jared as his boyfriend, to be able to share his nights with him, to talk with him and wake up beside him.

But, the conversations with the other guys from the unit were less than encouraging. Jensen was shocked at how many guys came in over the past few weeks declaring they had ended their relationships or had gotten separate accounts or lawyers or passed their assets onto their parents regardless of how long their relationships had been.

When he mentioned his confusion over the situation to Tom, his friend had looked at him like he was crazy.

"Dude, you know how many chicks can't handle a deployment? Hell, half the guys who are staying in relationships will stray while we're over there. Distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder... it just makes your dick harder." Although Jensen didn't think that was an actual quote, it made sense. And that terrified him.

How was a two month relationship going to survive a year deployment? Jared didn't have the support of other soldier's wives or girlfriends, there was no FRG to offer him solace, and Jensen wasn't even sure what his schedule would be like as far as communication.

Jensen sat up as Jared texted him he was ready. He knew he should probably voice some of his concerns to Jared... that was what you did in a relationship. Jensen moved into the bedroom, throwing an extra set of clothes in a small duffel bag and adding the shopping bag from the counter when he got back into the kitchen. He grabbed a pack of beer from the fridge and made sure all of the lights were shut off in the apartment before making his way down to Jared's door.

He hesitated as the realization hit him. He wasn't scared of Jared straying, or him for that matter. He knew neither one of them would do that to the other. He wasn't even really afraid of Jared breaking things off with him. No, what he was truly afraid of was this deployment changing him, changing them, and their relationship ending before all of this was done and over with. Because Jensen knew as he stood outside of his boyfriend's door that he had fallen. And he had fallen hard.

Jensen jumped as the door opened, Jared giving him a strange look.

"I thought I heard someone come to the door. What are you doing?" He laughed, grabbing Jensen's jacket and pulling him against his chest to kiss him hello.

"Lost in thought." Jensen smiled against Jared's lips. "I brought beer." Jared took the case from him and pulled the door shut behind him.

"Okay... Do you trust me?" Jared asked, still smiling. His eyes were sparkling as they searched Jensen's face, his dark blue shirt bringing out the flecks of blue in his eyes. Jensen reached up, cupping Jared's face in his hands and pulling him closer. Jared let out a small gasp in surprise but reached his free hand to grab Jensen's hips and hold them together.

"With everything." Jensen replied as he broke the kiss.

"Okay. Close your eyes." Jared said, waiting for Jensen to obey. He felt Jared's free hand find his, their fingers intertwining as Jared pulled him gently forward.

"You're not going to make me smash into anything hard, are you?" Jensen laughed, almost slamming into Jared's back as they stopped. They had only gone a few feet and Jensen figured they were standing in the living room. Jared moved to stand behind Jensen, his long arms wrapping around his stomach, pulling him back into his chest.

"Open." Jared whispered in his ear, making a shiver go up Jensen's back.

"What the--" Jensen gasped as he took in the living room. Jared had moved all of the furniture out of the way, pushed and stacked against one wall. He had slung a black sheet up over the large windows. Two sleeping bags were laid out on one side of the room, a sheet tacked up to hang over them, almost like a tent. The coffee table had been left, a George Foreman grill sitting on top of it with a stack of paper plates and plastic silverware. Beside the table was a large red cooler and a large FM radio sitting on top. "Jay?"

"I knew you were upset we didn't get the chance to get out and go camping because of your training schedule and my work. So, I figured if we blocked out the view of the city, put on some scratchy radio station that only plays old-time country and slept in sleeping bags... we could at least pretend. I didn't think management would appreciate us setting a fire, so I broke out old George here." Jared's arms squeezed around him before he let go and moved to shove the beers into the cooler. "Is this okay?" He asked, his cheeks slightly pink as he watched Jensen carefully.

"Jared... this is perfect. I don't even know what to say." Jensen said, looking around the room once more.

"Well... you can say, 'I'm going to cook us dinner since you did all the work putting up the tent'." Jared laughed.

"Oh, is that how that works?" Jensen crossed the room, kissing Jared again. "This is not the surprise I thought you had for me." He laughed, reaching down to grab two beers for them.

"What did you think my surprise was?" Jared cocked his head, accepting the beer and moving to sit cross legged on the floor. He flicked the radio on, a scratchy Johnny Cash song suddenly serenading them.

"Nothing." Jensen could feel himself blush. He should have realized that comment was an invitation for a conversation. "What's for dinner?"

"Jen?" Jared gave him a look again, patting the ground beside him. "Are you actually embarrassed?"

Jensen sighed, closing his eyes as he sat beside him. "No. I just..." He stopped, trying to force himself to relax. He looked up at Jared, his boyfriend staring at him, completely relaxed. "I was just thinking about us... and how we're not going to be seeing each other for a while... and I kind of... I don't know... assumed that maybe..." He stopped again, blushing crimson as he tore his eyes away and looked down at his hands. "I feel like I'm in fucking high school."

"Jensen, what the hell are you so embarrassed about?" Jared pushed him gently, letting his knee fall against Jensen's leg. Jensen sighed, crawling across the floor to grab his bag and opening it to toss the shopping bag into Jared's lap. This was not the way he had anticipated this conversation going… Jared opened it up and froze. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, we don't have to. I don't want you to feel like we do. I just didn't know and now I feel stupid and why are you laughing?" Jensen watched as Jared pulled out the box of condoms and lubricant from the bag.

"Jen... you don't have to be embarrassed. We haven't really talked about it, so I'm glad you're the one that brought it up." Jensen swallowed hard, hoping this conversation wasn't going to ruin their night. Although in the past two months he and Jared had engaged in some heavy petting sessions, they had only ended up with all of their clothes off twice. "Jensen, look at me."

"Jared, just forget it. You went through all this trouble for me, and I’m more than happy just spending time with you." Jensen forced a smile on his face and moved to plug in the small grill, stilling when Jared's hand covered his own.

"Jensen, look at the sleeping bags." Jared said, turning to point. Jensen looked over his shoulder to see the same supplies tucked in the back corner against the wall, hidden from sight by the makeshift tent before.

"Really?" He asked, turning to face Jared fully.

"Yeah." Jared shrugged, suddenly looking shy. "I... I want to try. I know the last time didn't go that well..." Jensen grabbed Jared's face gently as he moved to look away.

"Are you sure? I don't want to push." He said softly, searching Jared's eyes.

"I am... I want to." Jared nodded, grabbing Jensen's hands. "I've wanted to."

"Okay." Jensen whispered, forgetting about their open beers and the grill. He pushed up on his knees, moving quickly to close the space between them. He kissed Jared gently, silently asking permission. He definitely wasn't hungry for anything other than what Jared was offering anymore.





Jared tensed as Jensen's lips found his again, suddenly nervous. Although he had bought the same supplies Jensen had, anticipating the same outcome for the night, he was suddenly worried it was too soon. He didn't want their last night together to end up with him a bawling mess on the floor. He nodded against Jensen's lips, breaking their kiss to crawl backwards on the floor to the sleeping bags. Jensen followed him, settling their bodies together as Jared laid back on the floor.

"If anything upsets you, anything at all, tell me Jay." Jensen stilled above him, watching him carefully. Jared nodded, reaching up to kiss him again. "No, say it Jay. If you change your mind, if something feels wrong... I want you to tell me. This is for you as much as for me." Jensen pulled back slightly.

"I will... I promise." Jared willed himself to relax and push back the anxious feeling settling in his stomach. If anything, he wanted to try. He wanted to give this to Jensen. Earlier in the day he had been thinking about tonight at work, having to calm himself more than once when arousal pooled deep in his belly before he was set to see a patient. He wanted Jensen to have something to think about and remember while he was gone, and he himself wanted this.

Jensen nodded, dipping his head down to claim his mouth again. Jared moaned softly against his lips, opening his mouth to allow Jensen in. As Jensen explored his mouth, Jared reached between them to dust his fingertips across Jensen's lower stomach, smiling as Jensen groaned and pressed his hips up against Jared's hands.

Jensen felt good, familiar as he was pressed up against him. Jared ran his hands up Jensen's chest, pushing his shirt up as he went.

"Off." He said against Jensen's lips, tugging once. Jensen smiled down at him, pushing to his knees to pull the shirt off. He held his hands out and Jared let himself be pulled up into a sitting position to pull his shirt off as well. As the fabric was flown behind him, Jared placed his hands on Jensen's hips, leaning forward to kiss and lick the soft skin just above Jensen's jeans.

"Impatient." Jared laughed as Jensen bucked his hips forward.

"Well, that's not very nice." He pushed Jared back down, slipping one of his legs between Jared's. Jared could feel Jensen's entire length, straining against his jeans and pressed into his thigh. He smiled, tipping his head to catch Jensen's lips as he traced his fingers over the zipper.

"I never said I was playing nice." Jared smirked as he pulled his hand away. Jensen kissed him hard, his hands roaming over Jared's bare chest. He moved, slowly kissing his way down Jared's neck, biting softly at his collar bone. Jared groaned as Jensen's lips encased one of his nipples, his tongue flicking out to circle the small nub. Jensen's hand reached up to find his, intertwining their fingers as he kissed across Jared's chest to give his other nipple the same treatment.

Jared's entire body was on fire, soaking in all of Jensen's warmth. He let his eyes flutter closed, all of his senses focused on Jensen's body covering and claiming his own. Jensen was making his way down Jared's chest, kissing and licking as he went. When he reached the puckered scar, Jared froze, his eyes flying open to meet Jensen's lust blown eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Jay." He whispered, pressing his lips carefully against his skin, sending a shiver through Jared's body. "Perfect." He kissed it again before continuing on his path once Jared relaxed. When he reached the top of Jared's jeans, he looked up again, eyes locked with Jared's as he thumbed the button open and slowly dragged the zipper down. Jared fought not to move his hips as Jensen slowly slid the jeans down, taking Jared's boxers with him and leaving him completely naked.

Jared shivered in anticipation as Jensen moved back up, kissing the inside of his knees and thighs, his breath ghosting over Jared's most sensitive parts. Jensen smirked, moving back up completely to kiss Jared softly.

"You're not the only tease." He laughed as Jared pushed him, rolling their bodies so Jensen was trapped underneath him. Jared pressed himself against the exposed skin of Jensen's stomach and smiled as Jensen's laugh caught in his throat. He shifted to settle between Jensen's legs, kissing down Jensen's chest, treating him in the same manner he was treated.

By the time Jared had slipped the rest of Jensen's clothing off, both of them were breathing hard. Jared crawled back up beside Jensen, brushing his fingers across Jensen's even-shorter hair and pulling him in for a slow kiss. He bit Jensen's lower lip slightly, pressing deeper as Jensen's lips fell open, accepting him. He pressed himself against Jensen, hoping to portray every thought, every emotion he was feeling into the kiss.

He wanted this, he wanted to give Jensen all of him. He wanted Jensen to know how he felt about him, how much he had come to rely on him in the short time they’d been together. He wanted him to know how afraid he was to lose him and how the thoughts of this deployment had been keeping him up at night, knotting through his stomach.

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, rolling them once again.

"Jen..." Jared whispered, looking away from the piercing green eyes. "I... I'm scared I'm going to fuck this up."

Jared closed his eyes as Jensen's hand cupped his cheek and pulled his face up to look at him. "I would never, ever hurt you."

"I know." Jared pressed a light kiss to Jensen's lips, trying to force back the fear. He had managed to stop thinking about Chad whenever things started heating up between them and when they were finally moving towards the next step? All of the memories he had locked tightly away were coming pouring back in.

"We don't have to

Comments

[ayane42.livejournal.com]

wonderful chapter!!

[oldbatj.livejournal.com]

As much as I dread this deployment at least now both of our guys have something wonderful to cling to during dark, lonely moments.

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

SO nice!!!!

[shenova.livejournal.com]

Such a sweet thing that Jared did setting up a camp in the living room. They are to cute together. How are they both going to last a year apart???

[elwarre.livejournal.com]

Awww, I love them camping in the living room! :)

Just so you know - this chapter doesn't link to the next, in case that's something you intended to include. :)